i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
