Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Randomize
