dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
