haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
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