never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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