It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Dick very happy bro
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
