he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
