Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
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Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
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Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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