you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
