I murdered the dance floor call the cops
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Randomize
