Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
