what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
