I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
barbara walters just said penis...
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
