Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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