i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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