i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
Randomize
