I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
