i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
