I need to stop coming to work sober
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
