I think im going to throw up on grandma
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
