I wish I only lived at night.
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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