if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
