you would pick up someone in the library
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
