Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
