yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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