This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
