I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
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You don't understand. If you watched a video of the shenanigans that occurred in my life over the past 48 hours you would gasp worse than the girl who witnessed me puking in my bag at the children's hospital
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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