Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
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