jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
