clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so I woke up without pants, but my cardigan was still on and fully buttoned. curious.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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