Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
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