wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
