dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
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