Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
Drunk is a universal language darling
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
