dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
