I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
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