My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Randomize
