non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize