Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
Do you still have your period?
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
