So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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