he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
