You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
