i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
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But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
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