i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
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