Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
