the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
