I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
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