Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
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