It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
my liver is dry heaving
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
