her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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