Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
