I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
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