I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Randomize
