Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
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