she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
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