The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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