so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Randomize
