Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Randomize