soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
and she was petting her beer can
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
