there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
