I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
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