Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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