We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Randomize
