She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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