I wish I could teleport
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Randomize
