just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
