Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
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You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
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You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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