HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
