i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
