Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
