yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Randomize
