omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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