Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
